Man vs. Woman: Equal vs. Same

Having my first girl has opened my eyes to a lot of things, even in the short 9 months she has been alive. Coming from being a mom of 3 rowdy boys, I can honestly say when I was pregnant with her, I would have been just as thrilled to have another boy. I love my boys. I love having a boy pack. I love doing boy things. I love their wildness. I love their energy. When we found out it was a girl, I was happy but honestly could not even process the information. I didn't know what it meant to have a girl. In my mind, she would most definitely be a tomboy and she would be just like one of the boys--with a bow. Growing up, I myself didn't even identify much with the "girly-girls", and I came to despise what I assumed was the "fragile" girl personality. I said for years that if God gave me a girl like that, Id go crazy.

Then came Astrid. 

My all time favorite picture of her because of the deep expression on her face.

When Astrid was born, the moment I saw her face a strong emotion came over me. Being the type of person I am, I was embarrassed to lose my composure in front of all the people in room (yes, even half naked and just having birthed a child). But I choked up.. I really wanted to cry! Had I been alone, I think I would have lost it completely, but the natural instinct to guard my emotions rose up. You see, the moment my daughter was born, there was an instant, deep, connection. She was a woman, like me. There was no barrier between us.. Whereas my boys would never know what its like to be a woman, I knew exactly in that moment what lied ahead of Astrid in the years to come. I knew all about the boy crushes and one day desire to be loved by a man, the instinct to nurture everything from lost kittens to one day her own children, the struggle to pick the right shoes that made her feel like Belle on her 5th birthday, to the day when she would pick her wedding dress.

And then, me being the person that said all my life I wanted a "tough" daughter, I was gifted with the most angelic, gentle, sweet, perfect little princess I could have ever imagined. She was perfect. Perfect. I felt so unworthy of her, like a mere mortal that had been gifted with an angel from Heaven. The hospital room, our house, the whole world around her didn't seem worthy. She shone like an angel and the world around her seemed so dull. For the rest of those first few months, I would hold her and stare at her. Move her head to the side. Stare at her. Lay her down. Stare at her. Move her arm. Stare at her. I was just in awe. We had named her a princess name and she was undoubtedly a princess. I was completely convinced her poop would even be rainbow sparkles.

She wasn't rough and tough, no, she was gentle and pure. She wasn't loud and rowdy, no, she was docile and sweet. She is 9 months old and she is like a little piece of Heaven.. so pure, so sweet, so innocent, so dainty, so heavenly. Her smile makes you feel like pixie dust has just been sprinkled all over you. It wouldn't shock me at all if there were feathers trailing behind her every where she went, she is that angelic. Its surreal. And I cherish her so much.. I would kill to protect her innocence. I would turn into a violent angry lion in the chance of someone trying to harden her heart or pollute her spirit. I never knew such vulnerability could be so beautiful.. She is a pure, soft light in a hard, dark, cruel world. 

I see these arguments on women's rights, and it saddens me. In preparation for this blog, I did a little research to find that modern history separates the women's rights movement into 3 waves. We are currently a part of the 3rd wave. The first wave had to do with women's voting rights and that iconic part of history we all know. The 2nd wave, however, seemed to veer in a different direction and went on to sexual revolution and sexual "liberation" . The 3rd wave picked up where the 2nd wave left off, Wikipedia citing that issues in the 2nd wave were never really resolved. In my own generation, the push to equalize men and women is strong. Equal pay, equal opportunities, equal access to all jobs, equality in the military, equal expectations in the home, etc etc etc. But this is what saddens me… where did we get off the path and decide that equal meant the same? Yes, I believe women should have equal pay and respect. Yes I think they should have equal rights. But so what if I can't bench press as much as a man? Does that make me less?

We have assumed in our culture that femininity is weakness. Emotions and emotionalism are weakness. Tenderness is weakness. We say we fight for the respect of women, yet we send the message that a woman is only as good as she can pretend to be a man. Let me let you in on a secret, I don't want Astrid to prove to me she can rough it with my boys. Sure, Im sure being the youngest of 3 boys, she will at some point be immune to them, but I don't see her as less because she cant take her older brother by the neck and twist his arm behind his back. Her strengths are in who God made her to be.. Tenderness is a gift, a sensitive conscience is a gift, empathy is more valuable than gold…When did we decide that physical brawn was more respectable than the ability to understand and relate to another human's emotions?  When did connecting to your own emotions or the emotions of others become a weakness? Remember how in the beginning of this story I told you I was too embarrassed to cry? Why? What is wrong with crying? In the Bible, God never praises callousness of heart. In fact, those he loves he gives them a "heart of flesh". Our emotions are the very thing that connects us with God, who IS Love. How can you connect to Love if you can't feel? How can any of us distinguish ourselves from mere beasts if we have no compassion and empathy for other humans? God made us as relational beings, and you have to have emotions for relationships. In my opinion, women have a God given gift--that thing we called "women's intuition". Did you know in the Bible, Wisdom is a person and she is a woman? Yet we condemn ourselves and our young girls, we feel stupid. We feel weak. We feel vulnerable. We feel ashamed to show our tenderness. We feel less.

If the world was full of women that had true dignity, knowing their value as a WOMAN, we would have a much different world. We have half a world where women don't know their worth past the worth of livestock, and half a world of women who think they are only strong if they can fight like a man. Neither side is a healthy mindset. I believe there is a reason why Satan has attacked women… Women have an invaluable place in our world. We are the only ones that partake in creation with God, we make humans. We have a gift for loving and nurturing and connecting with others, which clearly across the Bible is at the very heart of God. We are strong, sometimes just like men, but in our own ways as well. Women are not in any way the lesser creations. But we need to know who we are… this identity crisis is crippling us! No one sees a lion and a cheetah comparing themselves and trying to act like each other, there is nothing wrong or less with either yet they have different strengths and weaknesses. God made all of his creation with variety with a reason. There are no two humans alike, and we need to use our strengths to work together, not fight endlessly to be all the same. We will never win that war.

I aim to raise Astrid to with a strong sense of dignity, in who she is. A woman. With no shame. And I also aim to raise my head high, as an example to her. I encourage you not to get sucked into meaningly "womens rights" arguments that diminish femininity and send the message that we are not enough.  When I look at my daughter, it would be a tragedy to see her reject her true self according to what society says she should be. When we chose her name, I chose it because it means "Divine Strength". I thought she would need it to survive in this world and be respected, but I didn't realize what that true strength would be… Strength to be yourself. Strength to stay soft in a hard world. Strength to be a woman, whatever that may be, in its truest form, according to how God designed her. I hope she is never afraid to cry in public. I hope she feels honored to be able to transcend her emotions to others. I hope she can use that to make her world better and to soften hearts.

I will probably never be completely a "girly-girl", and thats okay. No two women are the same. This is not me presenting the mold we should all fit it.  Its not pink versus blue, ballet versus softball. Let us not diminish ourselves in that pettiness. But I will go on from this day with a deeper appreciation for my femininity. I will challenge the ideas of what defines a "weakness". I will fight for true respect of all women, not trying to make them what I think they should be or what American culture says they should be. And I will fight to keep Astrid tender.. because that tenderness could be the hope for the next generation.